I'm going to try and make a post every day or so, bigger ones if I miss a day. Anyways, not much to report. Still working on getting my sleep schedule on track; I have work in about 13 hours, so hopefully I can get a decent amount of rest before I have to go in. Fridays have been slow there recently. I'm looking forward to haunt season, even if it means I'll have to see T more; it was so fun last year, even if it was also incredibly stressful. Not sure how I'm going to handle doing haunt season work and doing school at the same time though. Maybe talk to E about dropping the class that starts in October? Got all my homework done in a timely manner, but it's the first week, so if I had fucked up on that it would have been pathetic.
Music recommendation, The Divine Styler’s Spiral Walls Containing Autumns of Light . A friend recommended it to me. He told me it's all about the artists conversion to Islam, that it's a "pure id" album. Really enjoying it so far but I'm not more than halfway through. I keep listening to the cover Devo did of Head Like a Hole, another excellent find from J. She probably has the best music taste out of anyone I've ever met, always able to find stuff that I never could have imagined would exist. I owe my unironic love of the musical stylings of Neil Hamburger all to her. If you're reading this.. I love you, darling!♡
Drew some today too. It's been nice to get back into drawing, especially now that I'm actually focusing on pushing my limits and trying to improve my technical abilities. I missed the feeling of losing myself in drawing, of time passing without me being aware of it. It's meditative. Up until highschool I would spend hours and hours lost in doing the fine details on what always ended up being mediocre pieces, but it still made me happy. I'm trying to get that back. Even if the finished product isn't something I enjoy (it rarely is; I have much more ambition than I do talent) the process makes it worthwhile. Going to try and work on some comics. It's not the same as it used to be, just like making characters will never be the same, and lots of other things, but I feel closer to accessing that kind of joy again. Maybe I'll post some of my art here once it's good enough. One day. J said I should try and make a background for the blog. I should work on my code...
Looking back on what I've written, I feel surprised by how little I feel it reflects me. Even when I was younger, when I had a blog that I used to shamelessly beg for passing scraps of attention and express adolescent suicidal whims, I was guarded. It's much worse now, although you probably wouldn't expect someone who is trying to keep what is essentially a public diary to be guarded. Maybe I'm not actually guarded, I have the opposite problem and instead I'm so paranoid because I open myself up too readily. Either way, I want to use this website in a fairly disinhibited manner without worrying who will see it or what they will think. Instead I feel as if I am writing for an audience, and I have to cater to them in some way, or at least be as boring as possible so they lose interest. This is a pretty new creative effort on my part so I shouldn't wade too deep into the swamps of Neurosis but it's always calling to me. Damn. You'll lose your boots in there.
Anyways. That's it for now. I'm going to do some laundry, shower, and then hopefully get some sleep soon.